After years of discussion, the Bishops of the Church of England are to set up yet another everlasting talking shop on the ethical issues involved in human sexuality. This new talking shop will take the form of “facilitated conversations” – presumably some sort of improvement on the conversations they have been having all this time. They say: 

“The College of Bishops met on 27th January, 2014 to begin a process of reflection on the issues raised by the Pilling Report. The College expressed appreciation to Sir Joseph Pilling and to all members of the working party for the work they have done on behalf of the Church.  We recognise the very significant change in social attitudes to sexuality in the United Kingdom in recent years.”

We are bound to conclude from this statement that the Bishops intend to be guided in theological ethics and Christian moral doctrine by the mood on the secular street, by what the pagans believe.

Congratulations to them on their commendable open-mindedness! My only complaint is that they do not go further and undertake the wholesale re-writing of Scripture which this policy will necessarily entail. I submit the following as a first draft new gospel which they should be careful to have before them when they begin their “facilitated conversations “:

“Behold, it was said in the old time that the law of the Lord is an undefiled law converting the soul and the gospel of God is an everlasting testimony for the guidance of men. All them that would be followers of the Lord shall go out into the whole world and make all men his disciples, preaching and teaching them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. But Lo, these former things are done away and I say unto thee henceforth thou shalt go into all the world and set up focus groups that thou mayest discern what the will of the people is. And having so discerned the desire of the people thou shalt obey obey it, neither shalt thou depart from it one jot or one tittle lest thou be called the Nasty Church and get reelly, reelly out of touch, and that. Innit? Whatever”