I thought it was an April Fool joke. North Korea is crashing its military drones on disputed islands; Boko Haram are slaughtering thousands in Nigeria; Putin is playing soldiers to the east of Ukraine there are wars and rumours of wars innumerable, earthquakes and famines in divers places – so the first item on the news is that the Commissar for Bananas has announced that five portions of fruit and veg each day are not enough and we should up it to seven or even ten. Will this generate better health? My suspicion is that it will merely generate more wind than a forest of off shore turbines.

A nannying professional lady came on the wireless and told us that she would like to eat seven carrots. She is a “researcher” – of which there are specimens without number. She told us she had researched 65.000 people and asked them what they eat. Poor lady! What a way to spend your life! Though I suppose it’s marginally more purposeful than being Nick Clegg.

These things are a parable. And the meaning of the parable is that everyone these days thinks the government ought to micromanage our lives. For heaven’s sake, what has it to do with the government what or how much we eat? James Naughtie joined in the nannying and chided that many of us “are not managing to eat five or more portions of fruit and veg each day.” Not managing, Jim? Most of us are not even trying!

I have a dream… I have a dream that one day every man will be free to eat his own banana – or not to eat it, if his banana pleaseth him not. And behold, let the researcher eat her seven carrots and turn into a rabbit if that’s what she desires. I have a dream that the great and notable day will dawn when the government gets out of our hair; when grown men and women stop being infantilised; when we all choose for ourselves what we shall eat and what we shall drink; when we are all once again at liberty to go to hell in our own personal handcarts, if that’s what we want to do.

Take no thought for what ye shall eat or what ye shall drink… Consider the lilies of the field. But please don’t eat the daisies.